Entries for December, 2004
| December 1, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
rar..
this is the umpteenth time i changed my blog settings.. thanks trina for bearing with me! [o, diba.. may special mention ka pa]..
but still, i am not quite satisfied with all this. for one, i'm worried that you may not be able to read my entries without straining your eyes.. yes naman, concerned. hehe. tapos kulang pa sa color. i was going for somethig more colorful and expressive than this, but i guess i couldn't expect the perfect skin to just fall from the sky... it takes a determined mind to search the vastness of the internet to get the perfect blog skin. i can't even find the energy to look for the remote control in my room.
ok, moving on. why does everybody seem so intent on knowing how my love life is doing? yeah well, not MINE in particular, but see... why is it that when you don't see certain people in quite a long interval of time, the first thing they ask is "uuy, kamusta naman love life mo?".. [no, mica. im not talking about you in particular. generalization lang toh. sori! ü]. well, with a face like mine, the only thing i can say is: "uh, dormant?".. yeah, okay. so i compare love life to a volcano. eh may connection rin naman eh. may kilala akong tao na pag nakikilig, parang volcano! [diba, jerika? haha].. but well, the thing is, when that special someone crosses my mind, that's when all the lava in the volcano begins to swirl and shake around [okei, asteeg tong anatomy koh ah].. but when i DO see that person up close, parang: "ah, okay.".. oo, NR lang ako. baka hindi talaga cia ung nagpapalakas ng tibok ng puso koh. baka excuse lang cia para may
maibibigay aq sa mga taong naghihingi ng sagot. aysus. ayoko na. masyadong opening up na toh. hehe.
currently feeling stupid
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 07:15 AM |
| December 1, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
brrr..
no school today. cool. dahil daw kasi sa bagyong yoyong. hah. it's astonishingly cold this afternoon. and i'm not quite used to not hearing the quiet hum of the electric fan beside the pc. we had tikoy for breakfast. yeah, tikoy. you'd think it was chinese new year again.
i'd been doing a lot of thinking lately. mostly because of my studies. no, not science or anything like that. i'd be crazy to bring all that big bang in my head when there's no school. and no, i haven't been daydreaming about *** ***** ******* ****** ****. i never do. i've been hearing myself tell myself that i'm a true pinoy. [say what?].. yeah, okay. labo. rewind rewind. we had to read something for english. it was an article that said all of the positive and negative traits of the filipino. i had all the good traits.. and sadly, all the bad traits, too 
. i'm a procrastinator. i lack discipline. i rely on God too much. i like western stuff more than local stuff. ang dami pa. but i don't intend to let you get bored and all that.
God, i need your help. i don't intend to burden you with all my faults, but i want to change. for the better.
etong kanta, para kay *************.. sige, magcount lang ng asterisk dyan. negative
naman tong idededicate koh eh. haha.
I Don't Want to be Your Friend
by: Nina
I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing
Just stay away baby
Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear that you'll stay in touch maybe
I'll get just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I'm not over you yet
And I don't think I care
And I don't want to be your friend
I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'cause all I want to be is just free of you baby
Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Go now, go now
Don't call me in the middle of the night...
You take it casually, and that's what's killing me
I'll get by just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
No, no baby
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
I don't want to be your friend
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I don't want to be your friend...
boy, did i hate that song's video. sus, anong connection naman kasi ng pahiga higa na yun sa kanta diba?
currently feeling contemplative
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 11:44 PM |
| December 5, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
haay..
i posted this on hi5 the other day:
it's 11. i'm tired. but i'll write anyway. i had an encounter today with both the filthy rich and the dirt poor. this morning i woke up at 6 even though i had slept 2 last night. grabe, laki ng eyebags. lagot! why i had to do so? because my school was sponsoring a Life in the Spirit Seminar for the inhabitants of the slum areas like hilltop and.. well, i forgot the others. so i stayed there with my mom till noon then we headed home to change because we had to attend a wedding. grabe. ang ganda ng bride dun
. pero yung groom? umm.. 
yuck, sama ko naman. it was beautiful to see them both though, kasi makikita mong masaya sila with each other. true love, as in 
. kaya wala na akong masasabi. ay, have to go na. nappy time. bye.. :D
add me in hi5. please? kung ok lang sa yo. kung gusto nyo itype niyo nalang sa tagboard ung e-mail add niyo dun. ako nalang aadd. thanks. 
i can't wait till thursday. gusto ko na magsoftbaaaalllll... rar.
currently listening to she will be loved
currently feeling accomplished
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 08:39 AM |
| December 7, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
phew..
my eyes hurt every single time i blink them. sa kakatitig siguro toh sa screen ng pc. hehe. tapos nag-emote p ako kaninang praise and worship. shucks.
i just found out that i have the same layout as my batchmate's. yikes. pero ok lang daw kasi di na niya binubuksan yung blog niyang iyon. whew. wouldn't it like, suck if you found out that your blog looked just like another one? i mean, blogs sort of delineate the blogger. they're supposed to depict the individual typing his/her story behind the keyboard. it's through blogs that we web whores [as deanne puts it] get to express ourselves through the magic of html. so, wouldn't one's heart sag to find another blog using the exact same layout? 
i mean, parang.. siyet. buti nalang hindi na niya ginagamit yun. haha. whew talaga. this was the 2nd time it happened to me. my first blog had a design wherein nahirapan ako ng super para hinde mag-collide collide ung text. tapos hinde pa colorful. mahilig po ako sa color. para hinde sad. tapos isa pang batchmate yung may-ari nun. ng uncolorful layout, i mean. sooo, maaakala niyong malulunkot ako dito. pero hinde. masaya nga ako na nagkareason na rin akong magpalit ng design. kasi ang hirap talagang ayusin yung isa. kaya, "boom!"
.. eto na yung naging blog ko! yipee. now, i can die happy. yay. 
actually, no. i take that back. rewind rewind. i couldn't say i'm ready to die just because i finished some stupid blog. i'm guessing that far [way way far] in the future, magkaka-arthritis na ang fingers ko at hinde na ako makakapag-type ng entries. kaya walang use na yung blog ko by that time. hah. but i'll say this: i'll only be ready to die once i..
so there. whoa. this entry's getting long. if you're still reading up to here, i commend you! please indicate that you have done so in the tagboard, para i-praise kita. haha.
i saw *toot* again today. si ***** ******* ****** **** in mass. we had our Marian celebration today, by the way. grabe, i got so distracted, especially after communion. kakabalik lang kasi nila galing... um, basta. hehe. mamaya kasi ikaw pala pinaguusapan ko dito, edi malalaman mong crush kita. nyeh! wag na noh 
. haha. *toot* was doing that hair thing again. gosh, i really do hope i can get *toot* on tape someday. and become *toot*'s best friend 
. yuck, haha. i guess i'm expecting too much. sana at least maging close kami noh. pero ayokong maging KAMI. kadiri. that's wrong. wrong! but, you know. sometimes it's just enough to be hugged and to be told by that special person their deepest darkest secrets . but, haay, *toot* doesn't even say hi to me anymore 
. as if hinde kami naglaro ng volleyball together. using my ball. in the field. magkatabi. 
huhu. no more. no more. [don't call me, in the middle of the night. no more, don't expect me to be there.. weehhh.. corny. 
].. sige, yun na muna. that's quite a lot of senti-ing, mind you.
about the picture? wala lang.
currently listening to falling - alicia keys
currently feeling sticky.
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 08:17 AM |
| December 8, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
hmm..
i find John, Jesus' disciple very poetic. i especially love the first part of his book:
"In the beginning was the Word;
the word was in God's prescence,
and the Word was God.
He was present with God in the beginning.
Through him, all things came into being.
And apart from Him, nothing came to be.
Whatever cam to be in him, found life,
life for the light of men.
The light shines on in the darkness,
A darkness that did not overcome it."
[John 1:1-5]
see, if we put ourselves wholly in God, if we put trust in Him everything we live for, that's when we are truly alive. Do God a favor [since, you know, He's done us more favors than we can imagine] this Christmas: Allow yourself to be engulfed in Jesus' light. If you somehow feel greatly overwhelmed on the very day, then will you know that you recieved the greatest gift yet.
currently reading Purpose Driven Life
currently feeling christmassy
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 12:17 AM |
| December 8, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
umm..
"We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered,
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives."
[from: the "Mirror has Two Faces"]
currently listening to Are Ya Ready Kids? [aye aye, captain!]
currently feeling kilig
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 04:45 AM |
| December 8, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
hahh..
"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less."
[Will Moss]
currently listening to La Cucaracha
currently feeling giddy
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 04:54 AM |
| December 9, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
eep..
this is a favorite post.
my conscience is clear. thank God.
why?
because for the first time in my life, i managed to finish aaaallllllllll my homework before approaching the computer. 
hoy. mahirap pong magresist ng temptation pagdating sa computer noh. especially if we're subscribed to UNLIMITED access. [what the-- nagpapainggit po ba ako?? haha.. joke lang.. 
]
i thought today would be bring me home early. turns out it didn't. i came home at 6:30, as usual 
. ayoko na yung buhay na ganito. hintay lang ng hintay lagi. rar.
i cried again a while ago . that's the second time this friggin day. the first time my tears broke out was caused by my gradeschool busmate, who was horsing around while we were on our way to watch itsumo [to those who aren't paulinians.. itsumo is the title of a production made by our theater/drama club.. SAM]. so there. she was jumping around then the back of her hand hit the bridge of my nose. full force 
. now i fear that my nose will be swollen tomorrow. it hurts up to now. ayun, so umiyak ako. pro it took only about 3 minutes until i was able to wipe off any trace of what happened. nagmura pa nga ako nun eh. as in, "shit."
naaawa tuloy ako sa busmate ko.
nagsori nga siya, but it seemed half-meant. pero in fairness, it hurt meehn! grabe. akalahin mong walang nangyari after that eh. rar.
i'll tell you about the second time i cried next time. promise, medyo lang nahuhulog na yung ulo ko sa keyboard.
tonight, i find myself searching blogskins for designs for three people: jude, jerika, and carmela. i volunteered to whip up templates for them. sana naman maipapatupad ko to.
gotta go. i promised myself that i wouldn't sleep too late. sorry jude, i'll have to continue my search [and the testi] tomorrow. naantok na ako. kahit 9:39 palang. oh, well.
currently listening to isang saglit
currently reading philippine history
currently feeling pain on my nose
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 06:45 AM |
| December 17, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
ouch..
no more exams! thank you, Lord! no more stress, no more pending projects [except for THE. pero di naman needed ang utak para dun eh. i mean, no math or anything.], no more homework, in short, no more classes!
*toot* didn't say goodbye to me. even though i gave her a gift. she only said goodbye to my karibal, who took *toot's* picture. sooo i was wallowing in self-pity as my friends were getting ready to go to galle.
why can't i be a normal teenager and accept anything this crappy world throws at me? why do i have to be a selfish, conceited, irritating, procrastinating, thoughtless jerk, ready to cry my eyes out the moment my heart gets torn apart?
why can't my parents be normal parents and allow me to go to the mall unsupervised? i mean, i do understand the dangers of going to the mall without an adult chaperone, and that my parents love me more than anything in this world. but, why can't other parents be as protective? how crappy is that?
why do i have a best friend who tells me not to think that i am worthless, yet allows herself to catch the attention of the person i LOVE, for her own sake? why must she give so much of herself to *toot* when she knows how much i love *toot* more than she ever will? why must my other friends be as clueless as my best friend when it comes to pouring out the deepest contents of my heart to them? how CRAPPY is that?
why do i have to make a big deal out of the flaws of an imperfect life? why can't i just smile through every milisecond of every day?
why doesn't my mom hurry up in buying my credits?! magsusun na nga ako! 24/7!
currently listening to smile - westlife
currently feeling useless
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 03:20 AM |
| December 19, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
aii..
just came home from a family reunion. it was fun, and i was able to get another healthy dose of my relatives' rowdiness. i'm starting to wonder if we were louder than the fireworks.
it's official. i'm in a state of depression. here's how i found out, my daily routine:
- wake up at 1 pm.
- eat until 2.
- use the computer until 7.
- eat a big dinner.
- use the computer until 11.
- watch myx until 2 am.
- go to bed crying my eyes out.
i've been doing this since friday. i ask myself crappy questions like, "what am i doing with my life?", and "am i worth the next day?", and "why can't i go back to before?".
it sucks being a teenager.
currently listening to i wish i wasn't
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 08:19 AM |
| December 21, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
Gossip_Girls
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 01:48 AM |
| December 22, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
zzz..
i'm bored. 
currently listening to wag na wag mong sasabihin
currently feeling pain
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 12:01 AM |
| December 28, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
yeehah!
this is a favorite post.
whew! at last i finally get a chance to use the friggin' pc! haha.. nagpile-up tuloy yung messages ko sa tagboard. at sa yahoo mail. at sa friendster. at sa hi 5. haay. daming fans! haha, joke.
grabe, i'm typing at a turtle's pace right now. daming typo. haha.
we just came back from tagaytay. me and my family, i mean. and i still haven't finished my THE project. haha. galing mo, dannie!
the drive back home was the most tiring one i've experienced yet. i mean... not physically, but, emotionally AND mentally. i don't know, it's as if i had a premonition that i was about to die that day. yeck, creepy. as in, super depressed ako. haay. at least my uncle's snoring kept me distracted from most of my thoughts. although i wasn't able to evade them all.
jerika! miss na rin kita. and all of you paulinians out there! i miss going to school! huhu. hoy! make sure naman na tututloy yang jan. 4 n yan ah. mamaya ako lang pala pumunta!
anyways, sorry about your layout being so girly. jojo nga sana yung kukunin ko for you eh. pero baduy yung nahanap ko. sorry! sana kay deane ka nalang nagpagawa. ikaw rin jude! haha. amateur ako eh! nachamba lang ako sa design ng page ko. haha. 
ay! i wasn't able to greet you guys nga pala. eh since Christmas is over, eto nalang:
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 
jerika! sino ba si past?? haha. anyways, ang haba na pala nito. bye na. 
currently listening to wherever you are - southborder
currently feeling magulo
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 04:30 AM |
| December 28, 2004 |
deathcabforcutie |
can't think of a title..
just finished watching the myx daily top ten. and i noticed that lindsay lohan's "rumors" made the list. fine, sige, lindsay. alam na namin na balak mong maging singer-slut. sheesh. watching her video made me remeber britney spears. they do share some qualities after all.. for one, britney's song "my prerogative" has the exact same thought that is expressed in "rumors": that they want to live their life their own way and that we should bug off. yeah right, britney. go get married and file for a divorce a few hours later. tsaka, as if naman we care about what lindsay does wih her life, diba. i mean, i thought she was going the right direction until the movie "mean girls". parang britney, jr. n tuloy siya. tss.. bahala na nga sila. hehe, wala lang.
for the last 3 days i did nothing but watch dvd's. the terminal, 50 first dates, resident evil, resident evil: the apocalypse, hellboy, bourne supremacy, i robot, the incredibles... at di pa natatapos yung THE project! haha. i swear, i'm gonna have my dad buy some wood glue tomorrow na talaga! yikes. malapit na mag jan. 5! i so hate sir ron and his investigatory project crap. rawr.
currently listening to lose my breath - destiny's child
currently feeling crappy
| deathcabforcutie roadkilled at 05:51 AM |