I find myself questioning a lot these days what I would do in certain situations if I were, well, someone else.

Or, rather, myself. Without the additional baggage of all the things I've learned through the years.

I've always been open about sharing to people the enormity of my character as a 3-year old girl. A sweet, innocent, sunshine-and-rainbows 3-year-old girl.

Wrong.

I was a nightmare. I am so serious.

There are videos in existence of me screaming like a banshee over my cousins' recitation of the "Panatang Makabayan", because I wanted to sing the "Lupang Hinirang".
Despite the (apparently non-existent) limitations of a ruffled, girly dress, most of my early moments with cousin Jed (before his family moved here) involved me kicking him in the face.
I have a vague memory of knocking over a classmate's wooden block tower in preschool for not sharing his pieces with me.
And, many people have taken to calling me a bully since Eloi revealed I made her cry in kindergarten by saying that her daily baons of hotdog will give her cancer.

As much as I enjoy rattling on about my sad, sad past, that's not the point.

I present the classic phrase of "the clothes make the person". See, if that's truly the case, what does that make you? Cast aside that cap of conscience, those shoes of shame, that dress of discretion, and those slacks of self-control... and you get not only an infinitely more fashionable look than when you did have clothes on, but also a view of the raw, unmarked creature that moves beneath what clothes it.

And yo, whether you like what you see in the mirror or not, it's there.

Which brings me back to the questions that seem to be emerging in the face of all the change going on in my life, now. And it's not just the major things, like... what if I was brought up in Canada in the first place? What if I never knew community life? What if I wasn't Catholic? What if God was one of us? (Heh)

It's some of the little things, too, more in line with how I see the world and deal with people now that I'm an "adult". Well sure, that is sort of still majorly important, too, but it's not like I'd be agnostic and an unbeliever in life after death or whatever.

What if I was brought up by parents who swore like sailors?

Theoretical answer: Well for sure, I wouldn't have proposed that my group do a thesis on Swearing Amongst the Gradeschool Student Population 2007-2008. I'd be past mumbling "dammit" on a bad day, and people will be flinching left and right from my language being that of an R-rated movie.

What if I never watched Steve Irwin on Animal Planet everyday after school?

Theoretical answer: That's a little blurry. Admittedly, I haven't always been very kind towards animals. There's a dark place in my head that recalls I once hosed down my dog, Queenie, while she was trapped in her cage, just for the heck of it. It's not like I wanted to kill or torture her or anything... I did get pretty guilty afterwards and dried her off.

What if ____ tried hiding her relentless assessment of every woman we saw in public in front of lil' old me?

Theoretical answer: I think I still would be as self-conscious as I am now, not gonna lie. I am above criticizing other people on their looks now, coz it's just plain wrong, but the insecurity remains. *Sob* Society sucks.

What if I never watched TV as fiercely as I did and was never exposed to anything the Western culture "graced" our country with?

Theoretical answer: Then I would have a very hard time, indeed, trying to fake a natural-born Canadian accent.

What if I was loyal to drinking milk and sleeping early every day of my 19-year-old life?

Theoretical answer: I think we all know the answer to that.

How do you think you'd have turned out, had you been brought up differently?